End of a year, jam cramped information.

I havent updated it a while, due to the usal reasons forgot/couldnt be bothered to update and it snowballed into stopping blogging. I see it fitting though, since i never share my thoughts and opinions but i think other humans dont actually care, there just waiting for there own chance to speak. I just want to start with saying a genuine thankyou to Scott McQuade and Ben Marsh for helping set the path for me along with all my other friends, im sure you should know who you are.

It has probably been the best year of my life and by far the most eventfull and life changing, i have discovered actually happiness and purpose. I've been many different people through out the last few years, i was angry, violent, frustrated and in denial for years, i thought i was ment for greatness and my life was leading somewere, but it was always tomorrow never today.

This was juring my martial arts years when in all honsety il admit i was an angry loud, deluded thug just expecting what i wanted was going to tap me on the shoulder, it was like i was searching for something that i thought i was ment for, but i was to lazy and in denial about it to see the truth. This lead to frustration making me angry and depressed, which is when i bullyed people and got into fights, looked out for myself with no empothy for others and upset people geting a sickening pleasure out of watching people suffer, showed no apreciation for anything thinking i deserved what i had and more. As i got older i slowly calmed down but i was still spitefull, angry and depressed, by this stage i had stopped training thai boxing really, i would go from time to time but still talk a big talk like i was going to be a world champion and was still thinking to myself that greatness i was ment for. At this stage which was about october 2006 and i had discoverd a thing called Parkour, were i jumped off the highest thing possible subconsciencely to impress other people. This went on till about december when i met Scott and Ben at steel city gym and began my training within Parkour, which has now developed into something i dont have a name for, just living, happiness and improvement.

This was the very first time in my life i had began to not care what other people thought of me, i was doing things not for other people, i wasnt sucking up to anybody trying to impress them or being somebody im not. This leads me into peoples ego's and people staying in denial, i wish so much that humans didnt see life as a competition, this is talking from personal experience and what i now see other people doing around me, putting people down with the intention of getting ahed with someone more "popular" or if somebody's in a relationship they will try and be dominant by doing something like playing chicken with phone calls who's the first person to buckle and call up there partner. But i must say, i am a hypocrit, all my thoughts and veiws that i was spreading to other people went right out of the window the second i liked a girl which brought me back down to earth letting me realize howmuch i have to learn and that i am only human and no better then anybody else. I have flaws as does anybody, but now i can see my flaws and understand and admit i have them, i am very hypocritical and do still put people down without thinking, i do let thoughts come into my mind thinking im better then other people, i do snap at people with half thought out philosophys believing im helping when im just confusing them and making them upset or angry.

I feel happy constantally now, im breaking free of trivial thoughts and focusing on whats actually important to me and what is important for me to do, to help people, to be happy and to be strong. I no longer fear death, i used to say i wasnt afraid years back, but when ever faced with a situation my lie's turned to dust, then i did become afraid feeling i had something to do in this life and wanted people to know i existed but now i realise these things actually dont matter, what matters is helping people and being yourself, death is just apart of life and if you want to actually be someone and do something you will do it regardless of what happens, if people know what you'v done or if it's just the effects people notice.

I have realised who my real friends are this year, i've realised so much about who i am, what im really made of, what i am capable of, what anybody is capable of. I was judgemental and sometimes i still am, i am ashamed of some people i have judged and not actually made the effort to listen and get to know that person, as much as this my anger some people i will say it anyway because this is in the past and this is me now with no past or future. This is an example, before the trace gathering i judged livewire (tim) from urban freeflow jumping on the bandwaggon with everbody else assuming things, which was just taking a step back from what i had learned from Parkour, not following what other people tell me i should. This actually sicken's me to think now, the fact i judged Danny and Shane before i knew them, when they are such great people.

There really is so much more i could and can go into now, but i think my computer could crash at any second and im going out for a jog with James. I will probably write more at some point with a refreshed mind.

Alex.